I too was heartbroken. I was so mad at myself for being such a fool and I almost hated the world for being so unfair. I wanted to slap just anybody and wanted to be alone for a while (thank goodness I have no suicidal tendencies). I was emotionally tortured at that time. I was crying while at work. And every time I hear the sound of some familiar love songs I can’t help but cry my heart out.
I wanted to move on. I wanted to forget her as soon as I can (if only it can happen the next morning when I wake up) but I couldn’t. Everywhere I looked, I saw her…there’s just too many memories and I thought I would go crazy trying to avoid them.
Over time, I’ve realized that it’s not enough to just want to move on…I have to do something about it and I did. It wasn’t easy I tell you. There were times when I was literally banging my head on the wall for being too weak to fight the urge to contact her and deleting all her numbers didn’t help as well as I have memorized them. But as time went by, it became less painful until you literally can’t remember how it actually felt. Fortunately, I was successful! Let me share with you the things I did and I’m pretty sure it will help you too.
1. Accept What Happened but Don’t Dwell on it
It is normal to be upset, mad, and hurt after break-ups especially if it’s a third-party issue. And you’d probably be mad for a long time. But if you stay mad you’d only stress yourself and you’d only make your world smaller. You have to accept that the relationship is over and don’t even try to pick up the pieces because you’d only hurt yourself. Acceptance is the first step to moving on and getting over that stupid ex, so it’s time for you to make that first step. Once you’ve accepted it, don’t dwell on it. Don’t over-think and over-analyze things. Don’t dwell on the “what-ifs or what might have been” in the relationship. It’s fruitless. Believe me, I’ve tried and it only made me feel worse than I have ever been.
Instead, choose to accept that it is over and stop thinking. It’s not easy, but you can do it.
A good way to deal with it is by journaling about your feelings. It doesn’t have to be the best writing or even good writing at all. Just get it all out there. Imagine that as you write them down, the bad feelings and thoughts are leaving your body and sticking to the paper.
2. Let Go
The rule of every relationship is never ever to be clingy. You have to learn to let go. I know it’s not easy. Letting go is actually the most crucial and the most difficult phase of every relationship. There are just too many memories and forgetting these memories feels like an impossibility. Well, who wouldn’t find it hard to let go? You have invested so much time, money effort, and tears to make the relationship work out only to lose it in just a moment. Of course, it’s hard to let go! Who am I kidding? However, you also have to think of yourself, honey. You ought to respect and value yourself more than anyone and being clingy indicates that your self-value is way below the line. Do not cling to someone who doesn’t see your true value. It’s just not going to work.
3. Go Outside and Be Active
I understand that you want to be alone and I respect that. Everyone deserves some alone time with themselves and I’m not going to deny you that opportunity. When you are alone, you can think things through but don’t overdo it.
Do not stay indoors for long. Go out. Enjoy the outdoors. Socialize with your friends. This will give you less time to think about your ex. Bask in the sun or go someplace else with your family members. This will definitely give you a better view of the world you once lived in…the world without your stupid ex…Don’t forget that you once lived without him/her so it won’t definitely ruin your life now that you are back to where you once were… your life isn’t over now that they’re gone.
In addition, exercising, sunlight, and fresh air will help you become healthier which will make your body feel good. Soon enough, your heart will start feeling better too.
4. Don’t Look Back or Imagine “What If . . .”
Once the relationship is broken, it will never be the same again no matter how hard you try to piece it back together. There is a reason why the relationship didn’t work, and it’s rare that the relationship works the second time around.
If the deal-breaker was unrelated to the couple (like a job or just a minor misunderstanding), it’s possible things might work out if the situation changes. But if you broke up because of individual differences or cheating, hon, you should think twice before getting involved with the same person again.
You need to look within yourself and be honest. If you think you can still trust the person wholeheartedly then go for it. But you have to be careful. Seriously—if he cheated on you once he’ll cheat on you again, that’s for sure! What I’m trying to say is, it’s better if you don’t look back. Less conflict, worry-free, and new possibilities for love and better life. Science has proven that once a cheater is always a cheater so do yourself some favor and look for someone else who would see your true value…
What I’m trying to say is, it’s better if you don’t look back. You will have less inner conflict, fewer worries, and more possibilities for love and a better life.
5. Make New Memories
To get your ex out of your system, you have to create new memories. If you visited some places together in the past, you need to go to a new spot that you’ve never been to before. Better yet, go to somewhere you went together but this time do it with your loved ones and friends. Eat foods you’ve never tasted before. Try a different sport.
Do something you never thought you’d do like bungee jumping, skydiving, ziplining, rock climbing, or anything else! If you create new memories, you will have a better chance at forgetting your ex, and in the process, you’ll discover many more things that you are capable of, things you never thought you could do.
6. Improve Yourself
You’re single. This is the best time for you to focus on yourself. Now, your money and time are all yours to take. Don’t feel guilty about spending it.
Treat yourself. Go to a spa or buy anything to get you pampered like a mani/Pedi set. Buy a new set of clothes, shoes, and makeup. Give yourself a makeover as the strong, independent woman you are. Enroll in a culinary course and learn something new. Indulge in worthwhile activities like yoga, swimming, biking, and the arts.
As you improve yourself, you’ll build the self-confidence that was marred by your previous relationship. Being confident in yourself gives you a certain balance. It makes you feel good about yourself, and that’s very attractive.
It also helps to have a role model or mentor, someone who you admire as a person. This could be someone who’s also gone through a breakup and can give you some guidance as you’re dealing with your feelings. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
7. Avoid Contact With Your Ex as Much as Possible
Your ex might still want to contact you even after the breakup. If this happens, it will certainly make it harder for you to forget him. Be respectful but mindful of your needs. You can change your number (or block his), and delete his number from your contact list. If you memorized his number, you will really have to discipline yourself and do your best not to contact him.
Try to memorize other important phone numbers. Keep busy so you won’t even have time to think of contacting him. In time, you’ll be surprised that you don’t remember his phone number anymore.
Unfollow him or block him on all your social media accounts, and delete all your old messages and emails so you don’t spend any time going through them. Make a new email address to make it even more effective. The urge to contact him will wane little by little until you don’t remember him at all.
8. Make Lifestyle Changes
Make a list of all the things you want to do with your life. What are the things that you could never do together? Did he hate boating because he got seasick? Go on a cruise. Did he always roll his eyes when you wanted to go dancing? Take a dance class!
Clean your room and throw away all the things that you associate with your exes like photo albums, gifts he gave you, old rotten flowers he gave you that you’re still keeping as souvenirs, letters, and birthday cards. If you have posters or pictures drawn on the wall with him, repaint your walls and redecorate your bedroom.
These are not easy things to do. But you have to move on, and removing these things as a memento of your previous relationship will help you forget him faster and for good. Challenge yourself to be strong and you’ll be surprised at how easy and how fulfilling it can be if you’re successful.
9. See the Good in Yourself
Nothing is impossible if you are determined to really move on, but you have to help yourself. Make a list of all the bad qualities of your ex, the things you couldn’t stand about him or her. List all the reasons why you shouldn’t get back together.
Then enumerate all of your good qualities, those qualities that make you special and worth a second shot in love. Make a list of your 100 best qualities. Don’t stop until you reach 100! Having these things written down will help you convince yourself that you’ve made the right decision.
10. Love Again
This is the ultimate way to get over your ex. Even though your past relationship didn’t work, it shouldn’t stop you from loving again. Try not to close your heart to a new possibility of a love that is better, bolder, and greater than the previous one. Smile and be hopeful. There is someone who is right for you, someone who will be thankful to have you, someone who will treasure and respect you more than anyone else.
You will find a new love that will make you grow more mature and inspired in your everyday life. And who knows, the next person could even be the one you decide to spend the rest of your life with.
That’s it, folks. That’s my advice. If I was able to get over my ex, I am sure that you will too. Even though it feels like it, it is not the end of the world. There is still someone out there waiting for you who will find you no matter what.
Be thankful and learn from your past and use that to become a better and more lovable person. Realize that there are different kinds of people that we are meant to meet in life. Some of them are just passing by to give us lessons, some will make us stronger, some are meant to show us what the real world is like and there are some who will stay with us forever.
Love yourself more and you’ll see that new love is coming along soon enough.